i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
