your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
