this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
