Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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