Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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