i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
