what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Pooping to opera.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
