it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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