i was rollin on her like bob the builder
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
