boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
