Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
