Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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