I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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