Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
