Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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