I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
