im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
