lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
