I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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