I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
