he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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