whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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