I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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