I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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