No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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