There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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