he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
