My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
