He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
