I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
