guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
