the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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