oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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