that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
