Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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