I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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