thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
