My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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