at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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