i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
