If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just invented taco cereal.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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