last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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