Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
