Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
