I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
