ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
