I wish I could punch you in the face.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
