Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Damn victory sex feels great
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
