dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
not ubering you a puppy
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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