my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
