Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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