but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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