i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
