In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
