Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
