How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
