Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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