i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
