And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
