Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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