you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
