He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I deserve to be covered in dicks
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
