last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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