So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
