he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
