i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
