if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
