I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
