i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
