You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
