So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
