It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
